It’s Like Taking Babies From a Candy Machine

Another day, another baby stuck in a “claw” vending machine. Recently in picturesque Antigo Wisconsin, a three-year-old boy went fishing for a stuffed replica of Sponge Bob and ended up trapped in a vending machine. His parents desperately tried to free him but only managed to catch an overstuffed Scooby-Doo doll, which the father proclaimed was almost as good. Expert “claw” machine gamer Cliff Jamison was called in to remove the boy. “The key is to go for the ear, it’s spongy with good elasticity for the claws grip” Cliff reported. Three dollars and fifty cents later the small child had been retrieved. “This is not the first time a child has been stuck in a “claw” machine” Cliff said after the rescue. “I’ve clawed many a child over the past few years. It’s really turned into a lucrative business for me.

Pictured: Cliff Jamison’s recent rescues.

In related news Michael Jackson has reportedly installed a fleet of “Thriller” claw machines in major retailers across the nation.